Blue is not in the sky

It seems we want to make the world different, we want the experience we call "world" to change.  We seek for a while and then wonder why there is still no peace in dealing with the world.

What you call the world is not what it seems.  You have taken what you've learned and that's become your reality.  In other words, you believe there is a world out there, a world you were born into and will die from.  You believe there is a world that you are seeing, a world that is apart from you.  

Some say the world is an illusion but that doesn't mean the world doesn't exist.  Illusion just means it's not as it seems to be.  So what is appearing is not the absolute reality.  That's the real bottom line - it's not that it doesn't exist - it's that it's not as it appears to be.

Appearance is dependent on the mechanism by which we see, hear, taste, touch, smell....  so if one of those senses is defective we won't see the actual correct thing, yes?  So if we can understand that, then we must be able to see that the fact of senses, the fact that we are "knowing the world" through this mechanism called "senses" is already just a relative way of knowing.  A bird sees the sky differently than a human.  An ant sees a rock differently than a frog.  In other words, to the bird the sky might be red.  To the human it's blue.  Is one more right than the other?  No.  Both are relative.  Neither can say it's an absolute seeing.  

In fact the color of the sky is dependent on the eye, not the sky.  The color blue doesn't exist in "sky" but in "mind".  Yes?  It is the reception of the picture of "sky", the translation to raw data by the eye cells then the translation of the brain of that picture which produces "blue".  

In fact the sky isn't even blue - we are seeing blue because of refraction in the atmosphere.  Blue is not in the sky.

So we see blue, however that comes to be, and we say the sky is absolutely blue.  But if we poke around that "truth" we find it's false.  

In the same way, we must look at the world itself and discover that our absolute truths are always just relative.  The world is not as it appears.  Actually, it's more clear to say - reality is NOT WHAT APPEARS, yet it IS what appears also.

So you are seeing the world but what you're seeing isn't the actuality - the appearance of it isn't the actuality - in other words there is no such thing as a rock, a tree, a bird - these are mental concepts - boxes - ideas.  Yet what you're seeing IS the reality itself, what else would it be?

Therefore we must overlook or discard what we take the world as and realize what the world really is, realize what reality really is.  We must realize the relativity of appearance and only settle for absolute reality.

Ironically, you cannot really FIND absolute reality because you ARE that absolute reality.  

There are not two things

There are not two things - you and that which you experience.

There is no you there apart from the experience.  There is no experience there apart from you.

Isn't it always one whole reality?  

Are you ever anything other than this present moment?  Is there a substance or entity experiencing or having a moment, or is your true essence the moment itself and every "thing" going on in it?

Can you actually find something you can call "ME"?  Doesn't that idea automatically create this division, this "two-ness"?  This assertion "I AM" asserts a world that you are not.

Is there a future moment yet to come where you become free, or is this very instant that freedom?

What if the answer you've been seeking has always been in full view, unobstructed, clear as day?  What if this very moment has always been it?  

No matter what the "experience" is - good or bad - it's not about the quality of experience but the fact that there is not actually a division between knower and known.  

You Are Present and Aware

You are there - present.  You know you are present.  You have always been present.  No matter what the experience is, you have been present.

There is a presence - that presence is here now.  It has no particular attributes to speak of - it isn't red or square or soft.  It is just here now.  That's it's attributes.  It's here now.  It's not identifiable or personal - those are given to the body, to feelings, to thoughts, to roles or names or whatever.  That presence is just there regardless of the state of the body or thoughts or feelings or anything else.  

What you call "ME" at the deepest level is just that presence which is always here - that "subjectivity" or subjective presence - it isn't objective - it doesn't appear to get a look at it.  It cannot appear to get a look at it because it is the LOOKING - the knowing - the quality or capacity of knowing.

So we can say that the purely subjective nature of presence is knowing.  That is what you are - right now - that presence is subjective and that really means it is the knowing.  We cannot SEE knowing because seeing is knowing.  We cannot get a look at the knowing because we are looking FOR it with the instrument by which we look, yes?  So the knowing is the purely subjective presence.

That doesn't change - if the sun rises that is known.  If it sets that is known.  Those are two different experiences yet the subjectivity involved in that experience was changeLESS - yes?  The subjectivity or presence or knowing "OF the sunset" - that was the same in both experiences - in fact we really cannot even say that because to say they were the same is to have previously quantified or qualified that presence and then later compared it to the second experience.  We cannot even do that - this is PURE subjectivity - PURE knowing.

So that really means that this presence you know so well, HAS NO CONTENT.  It has nothing to grasp.  It has nothing to contribute objectively to any experience.  It is simply the present knowing or presence of knowing which really is a redundant way of speaking.  The presence IS the knowing.  YOU are the knowing in each experience.  That is your quality no matter what the experience is.

So if there is a stomach ache - you are the knowing OF THAT - the stomach and the pain and the thoughts about it are ALL objective - you know them.  So the body and thoughts are objective.  Right this instant, the body is not what you ARE!  Thoughts are not what you are!  Why? Because that presence is there unchanged while the body and thoughts are objective happenings - experiences.  You are the experiencing OF the body and thoughts - the capacity FOR the experiences we call "body" and "thoughts".

When you were a child, that presence was there - exactly as it is now.  The surroundings have changed - the body has aged - lots of things have changed EXCEPT YOU - YOU remain the same - present and aware.

Notice this - don't try to make it into anything.  Just notice it.  Notice that pure knowing in every experience - notice that it is purely subjective, and then notice that it's YOU.

The Bottom Falls Out

There is no reward waiting at the conclusion of the search.  As long as the person you take yourself to be remains uninvestigated, the search will continue to go on - why? - because from the standpoint of the person the search is a search for something better for ME - my life should get better - I should become more peaceful - I should be wiser - I should have amazing experiences or I should achieve a supreme state of some kind.

It is all a rejection of what IS right now and a preference for becoming something different.  That very rejection is the root frustration and lack of clarity.  Why can't I get this?  Why can't I experience that?  Why can't I discover?

From this standpoint we are completely missing the point.

It isn't something FOR the individual - it isn't something that the individual BECOMES.  It is a REALIZATION that the individual is false.  Once again - it isn't that the individual gets something - it is discovering that the individual never existed.

We might stop chasing these states and achievements and direct our search towards the investigation of the idea of the individual, the entity, the person, the existence which is individual, the one referred to by the word "ME".  Is it real?  Does it really exist?  Did it ever exist?  How do you know of that idea?  What is that idea based on?  Can you find it anywhere?  When does it appear?  Where does it appear?

So we might ask - why am I stuck?  Why do I see an outside world?  This question really means - why am I an individual?  The questions assumes that you ARE an individual and then something should change.  Can you see this?  That question isn't answerable because you never WERE an individual.  The search isn't about making something change so that you are no longer an individual or you are an enlightened individual.

The search never ends for the individual.  The search can end, however - it ends abruptly when it dawns that this idea you have about yourself, that you are a separate person, this idea is false.  There is no such thing as a person.  It's an idea - it's sort of like a prison because if you assume you are that person then you are really saying that existence is separate.  A person is a separate existence.  So you take yourself to BE that then try to GET OUT of it.  It's impossible.

Poke into that idea and see if it is true, if it ever was true.  If it is true then you can go on satisfied that you found your answer.  If it is not true then the bottom falls out of the search right that very instant.

The Only Presence is Life

Is there a world outside, right here and now?

Are you in a head looking out at a world?

Were you born into this body?

Did you really begin? Will you really die?

Are you just an insignificant, fleeting and temporary existence?

Or are you the whole of reality, already?

That's really the two possibilities. Either you are that independent, finite individual or you are the whole. Try to come to that recognition - it's only these two possibilities.

If the first one is true, then what good will searching do except entertain your imagination. Can a world of separate things ever be whole or undivided? What power can bring it together, except for maybe some reverse big-bang or something.

If the second possibility is true, then you already are that whole reality. You didn't need to do anything to be that. You didn't arrive at it or achieve it. You just ARE that. If that is the case, and you are seeking wholeness, then you must not know you are the whole - otherwise why would you seek it? If the second is true, and the second possibility is what Vedanta and sages for thousands of years have been saying, if the second is true, then the only work to be done is to find out why it is that you take yourself as this limited entity.

The search then isn't a march towards becoming something you are not, it is an unfolding or discovery of what you already are, a realization that you never were separate or divided as you have believed.

Let that sink in - that means right now, before anything else happens, before the next thought even, you are the whole - reality is undivided and you are that whole reality. That means that whole reality is presently aware of thoughts which proclaim individuality. That individuality automatically asserts separation.

So the only thing we need to do is to correct or see through that idea of individuality as reality. That means discovering yourself as the whole.

This orients the search in an entirely different direction. Instead of waiting and hoping in frustration for some new experience or state, we are actively trying to discover why we take this present experience as "ME-seeing-WORLD". Yes?

We then aren't trying to make the experience different but seeing if there is a different translation for what is already happening - a different explanation for it.

So imagine that you are the whole already - you realize you have mistaken yourself for someone who was born, someone who arrived in the middle of the party and will leave it someday.

When you go outside and look at the trees, the sky, the clouds, hear the birds sing, feel the warm breeze... is it really an individual aware of an outside world, or is it Life, at play, aware of itself?

Who is present? Some fleeting individual, or Life itself?

In fact is there anyone at all present?

Isn't that aware-presence Life itself?

The Individual is a Play

There is a big difference in these feelings or realities:

I am an individual and I am going to later discover something that I don't know or don't have now. When I discover that I will have a different feeling, a different experience, a new and better experience. My life will improve.

This statement may be somewhat aligned with your own ideas about enlightenment or liberation. This idea may have been held for a long time. A lot of effort may have gone into it. It may be difficult to let go of this idea because you've invested a lot of time and effort into it. But let's be perfectly clear.

It's bullshit.

You are not an individual at all - the idea that you are an individual is itself the bondage you wish to be free from. There is nothing to come later in the form of experience. What you call life may or may not improve but it's irrelevant.

Here is the other statement:

I am the whole, I am limitless being. I know myself through this mechanism we call Mind or Consciousness. Mind or Consciousness forms, so to speak, into this world, body and thoughts. Identification is another form within this and it is that identification or we can call it Imagination which "creates" the world with you in it as an individual who is temporary and separate.

This is already the case. Nothing needs to happen to make this so. Because you presently take yourself to be the individual, you also believe something must be done to reach or arrive at this. This is false. Nothing is needed, nothing is added. You are presently the whole. Therefore it is not about getting some new experience but about realizing the present idea you have is false. Therefore it is not about experience but about ignorance of yourself. The only solution is knowledge.

If that is so, what does that mean? It means that right here, right now, at this very moment, you are THAT. You ARE THAT Wholeness. It means we must stop looking for something new in the form of experience and understand that if this is so, then our present experience MUST already be it. Our present thoughts MUST already be it. Whatever is presently going on, must ALREADY be it.

That means we don't need to manipulate anything, to change anything, to resist anything that is present now. We just need to look at it in a different way, understand it as an expression OF that Wholeness and not an OBSTACLE to it.

If we start from the fact that you already ARE that, as the mystics and ancients have been saying for thousands of years, then our spiritual search goes from a frustrating hobby to a serious life and death thing.

Looking at it this way, we are forced to look into things we may never have thoughts about, specifically the ideas that we were born and will someday die. This has been our idea for so long but now we are truly in the position to question that idea, to doubt the idea that what you are was born, that what you are will die. It is funny that we dread to even think about that but when asked to question it we will defend our impending death.

We are now forced to question whether or not we were born and will die, that we began as independent entities and our existence is finite. If you are already THAT, if reality is already WHOLE, then the birth/death idea MUST be false. So our line of seeking changes - we now have our doubting caps on as we trace back our birth, look forward to the death of the body. We are forced to look upon the world of appearance differently. We cannot look at it the same way. We can no longer afford to be fooled by appearance. We are earnest in our dissection of our long-held beliefs. We are now not longing for some new state or experience to come but actively chopping away at our default set of issued beliefs and assumptions. Our energy in seeking isn't focused on hoping for some mystical revelation to dawn on us, it is directed towards the destruction of the false.

If you get one thing from this blog, it should be that the way we usually seek in terms of acquiring something new is false. This is only about correcting the idea you have about your Self. You take it as separate and then later want it to become nondual or whole or something. The point is that you were never separate, reality was never divided, and the only thing that needs to happen is to realize that this is true.

If the individual is gaining something it is still ignorance. The individual can stay and play if you understand that it is merely an expression of present, whole reality. Then there is nothing wrong with the individual. It is free to come and go as all expressions do.

Bondage is not Actual

In Vedanta the goal of seeking is moksha. Moksha is usually translated as freedom from bondage. But it isn't really bondage that goes - it is the IDEA of bondage that goes. It is not actually being bound now and then later being freed. It is finding out that this bondage was never true, that the idea of bondage is false.

What does that mean? That means you are not now nor never were bound. You are not now nor never were limited, separated, isolated, small or insignificant.

The bondage is the idea of limited, finite existence. You believe that you are a limited, finite being. You've believed this as long as you can remember. It is the very root idea you have about yourself and reality. Your idea of reality is built upon the idea that there are things which exist on their own, standing alone, independently, existing independently. You believe that when a form appears, that "thing" has been born or created. Then when that form disappears, dissolves, dies - you believe that existence to be extinguished, that individual existence.

It is this idea that Vedanta says is false. If that is true then it is only the idea you have that needs to go. You don't need to change anything, manipulate anything, control anything. You only need to challenge this idea and see if it's true. Look deeply into it - it's likely you never have once questioned this.

This entity we call "person" is false - it is a false idea. It is this idea you believe which is the only bondage. Freedom is seeing that this idea was always false, therefore you were never bound, you were never limited, you were always whole - in fact you ARE the WHOLE.

It seems this is the last place we want to look, the last thing we want spiritual seeking to be about. We want to retain that individuality and achieve some spiritual goal. It cannot be done. We want spirituality to be about something great we achieve, then our life will be great where it once sucked.

Give up that idea, the sooner the better. Directly question your own birth, your own beginning, the seeming beginning and independence of existence itself. The individual cannot achieve anything. The individual falls away as false, naturally, when it is looked into. There is no individual "I". It's just false. Look for it - once and for all dive in and see if you can find an independent "I" anywhere.

There is only this singular happening, this singular Intelligence, this singular Life/Existence/Reality - whatever you want to call it. It is HERE/NOW. It is whole.

You are that. Either believe it or find out for yourself.

You Are Existence

This isn't about an individual person who is seeking and then later realizes something. The individual does not get or achieve anything, arrive at anything not there before, or become anything.

This isn't about your current state of mind becoming better or more peaceful or more enlightened.

This is about finding out or realizing that what you took the world to be, what you took yourself to be, is false. It is about realizing that the world is appearance - we have taken appearance to be absolute truth, or to be AS it appears. We are fooled by appearance, by assimilating beliefs, by taking the world at face value.

We realize that it isn't about becoming something more or better. The individual who we thought to exist, never existed. We realize our mistake in applying existence to appearance, to taking existence as that which comes and goes.

So the individual never reaches his goal. The individual falls away as false. Then there is no longer anything needed, and there never was.

It is realized that nothing was ever missing. There is one Reality - one Existence - one Life. That Life patterns in various ways, expresses as various "things" yet never ceases to be what it is, never divides itself. It is only mind which splits up based on appearance, and mind is also just another pattern.

Right now the Intelligence which knows it is present and aware is that Life. You are that. You don't have to reach it. If you take yourself to be an individual person, an individual existence, you miss it, because the individual IS the problem, the belief in being an individual existence is the belief which takes you away from the realization.

Nothing else is needed except to inquire into the idea of individual existence. Don't look for a benefit FOR the individual but dissect the idea itself. See if it's true. See if it's truly existence which comes and goes or if it's only appearance or form, forms OF existence, which come and go.

It might sneak up on you quietly or hit you like a ton of bricks... you realize that existence is one - forms are many. When forms come and go, nothing happens to existence.

You Are Already THAT

This is not about a better state yet to come, a better state of mind, better experiences, a more peaceful life. Those are all benefits for an individual. As long as the individual is the center point or reference of the search, the one to whom it's happening, the one who is seeking, then spirituality will always be just another self-help, just another method to remove fear and pain and replace it with some concept of peace or enlightenment.

This is not about something which is yet to come, something which has yet to be achieved, something of benefit later.

This is exactly about this very instant, right now. Whatever that instant might be, whatever it might feel like. This is it. There is nothing else that needs added or removed. This right here and now is the ultimate, the absolute, whole reality, undivided reality. It is already the case.

Therefore this isn't about doing hundreds of hours of meditation in hopes of some divine wisdom being bestowed from beyond. It is about seeing that, in the midst of the daily, the ordinary, the pain and pleasure, Life is Whole. Reality is Whole. Existence is One.

Nothing needs to change - we don't have to get rid of certain bad feelings or thoughts and hold them all tightly in a perfect state of bliss. We don't have to discard anything, manipulate anything.

We only have to directly question our root assumptions we have about reality, about what we ARE. We have to SEE that THAT is what this is about, not some feel-good concept of Enlightenment. We must realize that what is being sought after isn't missing, it isn't now ABSENT. It is only called something else, assumed to be something it's not. It is mistaken, not absent.

Therefore we must examine the idea we have about reality, about the idea that existence is something which comes and goes. We must dive into appearance and see what it is instead of what we assume to be.

In directly and honestly inquiring into this most root and cherished idea about the nature of reality and your Self, you may come to realize that this very instant is Whole Reality, Whole Existence. It doesn't need to be improved or added onto or have the bad removed. It is just as it is, perfect no matter what appears.

Perfect because it is whole and undivided. That is what you are. Now. Not once this is understood. You are already THAT.

Life Finds Itself

There is no light at the end of the tunnel. You are the light and the tunnel. You are looking for something to change, for something to be different. In that you assume that this, right here and now, is not it. You assume that what IS, right now, is not good enough, that something else needs to arrive in the form of some state or experience.

The only concern is the idea you have about yourself, about what you are, about reality. Look and you'll notice that everything you believe, therefore everything you think you know, is based on the idea of separation, of independent existences. You have mistaken the coming and going of forms or appearances for the coming and going, the creation and destruction of existence.

It is not existence which comes and goes. What appears is not an absolute "thing". It is not a stand-alone existence. It was not popped into existence from nothing - not existing, then existing, then ceasing to exist.

The ocean is there - then the ocean expresses as a wave. The wave is an appearance OF ocean, a form OF ocean, something ocean is doing. Wave did not come into existence. There is no such "thing" or entity as "WAVE" apart from ocean. If we speak of wave doing this or that, we are speaking conceptually, because it's really OCEAN doing it. It's ocean-appearing-as-wave. We don't need to speak that way because it's clumsy however we have somehow been tricked by the convention of naming appearances, naming activities or expressions.

Tree is Life "treeing". Life-appearing-as-Tree. Yes?
Rock is Life "rocking".

There is no "thing", no stand-alone existence called "tree" or "rock". There is only Life or Existence appearing or expressing AS what we call TREE or ROCK.

All "things" are like this. The body and thoughts are expressions of Life. The body took shape but did not come INTO existence. Existence took shape as BODY. Yes? Life took shape as what we call "body".

And then body will cease to function, naturally. It will take it's last breath, beat it's last heartbeat, and then it will stop functioning. Consciousness will cease to return. That window or perspective or kaleidoscope will close. But nothing happens to Life. Nothing happens to Existence. The wave crashed to the shore and dissolved back into ocean. Nothing happened. Ocean remained ocean. Life remains Life.

The question is - who is present right now, aware or expressing as this appearance we call Consciousness, this stage upon which the stories play out? Who is the intelligence which can say "I EXIST"? Who is seemingly looking out the eyes?

Isn't it Life? Isn't it that Existence or Intelligence? Aren't you Life itself, aware of itself, so to speak? Aren't you that Intelligence, that singular existence?

"Reality is whole and you are that."
"The world is Brahman - ultimately "I" and Brahman are identical."
"You are already what you are seeking."

It isn't difficult. The difficulty lies in breaking with the idea that reality is made up of independent "things" or "EXISTENCE-S", that you are just one of these existences and your existence is finite and separate.

It is not.

Get a Grip

The entirety of the spiritual search can be compressed to one sentence.

Are you what you have taken yourself to be?

This isn't an endeavor to achieve great spiritual states and experiences. This isn't a process by which your life is made better. This is not a self-help method. It is a single question which requires that you look directly into the root idea you have about yourself.

So we must ask - what is it that you presently take yourself to be? Try to get a real good grip on that. It's often very vague and foggy - we have never really stopped and asked this question - we have never really gone down that road in questioning - partly because it seems to be beyond question or doubt - and partly because it's a frightening and uncomfortable topic. We have spent a lot of energy sweeping that topic under the rug because we don't really want to think about it - it takes us down the road of pondering the end of our existence.

But that is exactly what we must look into. The beginning and end of our existence. So first get a good grip on what exactly you take yourself to be - you believe you are an entity which has a finite existence. You believe existence is partitioned - separated - owned. You have your own existence. Existence is something you can possess, in other words - Being is individual and finite.

So you, that entity, began on some day - at conception or during the 9 months of pregnancy or something. Some time during pregnancy you began - your particular existence began. It wasn't there before and then it was. By some magic or natural process you-the-entity sprang into existence from non-existence. You did NOT exist prior to that point.

Now you exist - you-the-entity exist - you stand alone in existence - the existence of a tree is not the same existence as your existence. You presently exist but at some point that will stop. That existence will end. You will cease to BE. You will no longer exist.

Isn't this exactly what we believe? Can you see that this idea requires independent existences - separate existences? This idea is at the very core or root of reality for you. Everything else is built upon that foundation. Your entire life story requires that idea to be true. Your entire concept of yourself requires that idea to be true.

At the very foundation of your idea of reality you take yourself to be a separate and finite entity. However you are now in a spiritual search for wholeness. You are looking for Oneness. You are looking to BECOME ONE. You are interested in something called Nonduality, when the very root idea you have about yourself is of duality - multiple existences which begin and end. Can't you see that as long as you hold this root idea beyond question, any spiritual search is futile and a fantasy? You wish to remain as this independent entity while GAINING some "state" called Nonduality or Enlightenment or Awakening or something.

When we get serious about spirituality, we may see this inherent contradiction and be compelled to actually dig into this idea - take it apart and see what it's made of. We might entertain the ideas we have about existence and see if it is something which begins and ends. Instead we may see that it is only FORMS or expressions or patterns which begin and end while existence itself never changes, never comes and goes. We may see that existence is what IS. And what you actually ARE cannot be other than THAT.

Before we can be free of a concept we must know what it is. Seriously consider what it is you take yourself to be. Get a good grip on that. Don't be afraid to question this idea.

Are you Free?

Are you free?

What do you mean by "YOU"?

If by "YOU" you mean the individual, the person, the separate entity, the one who began on such and such day and time, the seeker - then the answer is NO - because this "YOU" is itself the cage, the prison. The "Individual-You-Take-Yourself-To-Be" IS the bondage, so how can that "individual" BECOME free?

If by "YOU" you mean the whole itself, what we call the "Universe", the totality of appearance, Brahman, the Absolute - then the answer is NO - because this "YOU" was never bound, was never in need of BECOMING anything, of getting anywhere, of gaining anything. This "YOU" is not in need of freedom, even when it is known in expression, as this moment, as this sky, these clouds, this birdsong, this painful leg, this thought, this pang of hunger, this gust of breeze.

Therefore Freedom was never necessary because what you are was never bound. The one who becomes Free was just a convention, a figure of speech, a way of expressing. The one who was to BECOME Free never actually existed. Freedom may then be said to be freedom from the illusion of the one who becomes free.

Freedom then wasn't something achieved but the disappearance of ignorance of what you really are.

Reality is Simple

This is only about reality. In seeking some special state or experience we sometimes get the subtle impression this is about something supernatural or extra-mental or something like that. It's not. It's just about reality - what IS reality - what ARE YOU? Are you this person you have been told about, this entity you've come to believe in? Is reality a reality of parts, of an infinite number of separate existences which come and go? Is reality happening in a linear fashion - is reality spread out over infinite distances? Is there someone in the head looking out the eyes? Is there an outside world?

Is a person a reality or a fiction?

We don't want to address these questions. That makes spirituality too close to the bone. It makes us ask questions we are uncomfortable asking. We would much rather call ourselves "spiritual people" and go on with the chanting and hugs and feel good and continue being sucked into the fantasy. It's comfortable. Actually looking into reality is not comfortable. We are forced out of our easy chair. The world we once thought was solid and real is now fuzzy, uncertain. We can no longer hold onto any of our concepts. We can no longer grant reality to the world and then let it slip into unconsciousness while we flounder around trying to make sense of some bullshit idea about spirituality.

If we just want it to be about beads and chants, we might as well find another hobby. If we truly want to find out what reality is, what YOU ARE, then we must be willing to look in the dark closets, under the bed, in the closets. We must be willing to poke our most cherished beliefs and see how they squirm. We must be willing to take anything as a possibility.

Reality as we know it is not absolute. It is absolutely relative. Appearance is not the absolute. Taking appearance as the absolute is called Maya. Find out why reality is not separate. It's not difficult to come to this realization. The only difficulty is when we sit on proper meditation cushions, in expensive meditation apparel, chanting in some foreign language and vaguely hoping for some sort of special experience to come and wash away all our problems, leaving a perfect state of peace behind.

That is a farce.

You are the Essence

I Am.

What does that mean to you? What is it saying? Who IS? Who is that phrase or assertion referring to?

"I Am" is an obvious assertion, a statement of the obvious. But to WHOM does it refer? To WHAT? That is the question which we must resolve.

The reference of that assertion is always this - the being or entity which was born on such and such date and time - the being or entity or person - the separate entity - the existence which wasn't there before - the existence which began at conception or during the 9-months in the womb. That "entity" is what or who is being referenced in the statement "I AM".

So THAT is what you take yourself to be. At root, that is your idea of yourself. This is the very core idea you have about what you are.

And in the spiritual search, that idea remains intact as we search for wholeness or oneness or whatever we want to call it. With the root idea of what you are as a separate thing which began and will end, you are then searching for wholeness.

Therefore the idea of enlightenment is some new state or experience to come for that individual existence, that person. Without looking into or removing that core idea about separate existence, there should be some new state or experience FOR that separate existence. Yes?

IF this idea you have about yourself is true, that you in fact DID begin at a particular date and time, if existence DID start NEW and is separate or owned and apart from other existencES, then you are living out a fantasy, waiting for some cool experience or special mystical state or some blue light - spirituality or enlightenment or moksha is then some fantasy state you hope to reach someday, leaving the idea of yourself completely intact, protected by the very search which pretends to want to eliminate it.

What is separate cannot BECOME whole. You, as a separate BEING cannot and will not become one with the universe. That is spiritual fantasy.

The only alternative is that this idea is false - that existence did NOT begin - that you were NOT created or started on such and such a date and time. The only alternative is that you are not NOW nor never WERE separate - that existence isn't OWNED or partitioned or separated.

If this is the case, then it is just a matter of mistaken identity, a false idea you have about yourself, and the resolution is just to correct that idea, to see through the story, to recognize the true by recognizing the false. The problem is ignorance of your true self and the solution is knowledge of what you are and what you are not.

Vedanta has a long history of pointing this out - recently Advaita has blossomed on the Internet and there are many many sites and teachers out there. It can be very confusing - so many different pointers.

The root of it all is to look to that "I AM" - to consider what that means - what do you mean when you assert "I AM". SEE that you are actually asserting your separate existence. SEE that going about spirituality while keeping that idea of separate existence intact is fantasy and frustration. It will never make any sense. It will always be paradox.

Look deeply into this idea that you began, that existence began and will end. What is it that began? What is it that ends? Be brutally honest in this inquiry. Honestly with yourself is very important. Follow each inquiry through to the end.

It is only forms or expressions or patterns which begin, which come and go, which are born and die. The essence or cause or source does not appear except AS these patterns - the patterns come and go but the essence does not come and go with it - the essence isn't affected. What it IS does not change - only the pattern or expression changes. And when the pattern goes, nothing happens to what IS - to existence.

The world, the body, the mind, the ideas called "ME" are all patterns. You are not a pattern. You are the essence itself. What else can you be?