Friday, August 29, 2014

Dissolving into Nothing

We have been struggling with spirituality, probably for several years.  We have read countless writings, books, internet posts, listened to interviews or talks...  We try to see what is being pointed at - we try to experience what it feels like to be whole, to know that reality is whole.  But that exercise will always be a pointless and losing game.

You are ALREADY experiencing what it feels like to be whole.  Whatever this present experience IS, it's an experience of wholeness.  That means even to feel separate is a feeling of wholeness.  Why?  Because reality is already whole.  So any experience is an experience of the whole - in fact it's an experience BY the whole - who else but the wholeness of reality itself could experience it? 

That means the idea of myself as an individual is false, but also that it's a natural expression of the whole.  There isn't anything wrong with it - actually it's really the only way you can feel, speaking of pure sensory input.  But part of that "feeling" separate is the parallel IDEA of being a separate entity or existence. 

If that idea falls away, the sensory feeling is the same but it loses its association with the idea.  Just like a mirage.  If we see a mirage we may run towards it to quench our thirst.  But as we continue to chase it, at some point it becomes clear that it was just a reflection, that there never really was water in the road.  Later we again see a mirage.  The pure sensory input is the same - the same apparent body of water is there - however we know that to be false and therefore there is no urge to run towards it with a bucket.  The false has been seen as false - the idea has fallen away.  We are no longer ignorant of the true nature of the reflection - although it still appears as if water is standing in the road.  So the sensory "feeling" is the same but the overall feeling is different, because there is no parallel belief in that appearance as water.

What we must be able to see is that the "thing" as it appears is not absolute reality - that means the rock isn't a completely separated existence.  It didn't arrive anew as a new thing.  But this is absolutely our root belief - each appearance is a thing - by that we MEAN a new and separate existence.  So we believe there are an infinite number of independent existences - coming and going, being born and dying.  Birth is the creation of a new existence and death is the ending of that separate, independent existence.  But if we really look into this idea, we find that idea to be false, in fact it's not really even difficult to realize this.  The only difficulty is to actually look into it, due to the fact that this idea is so ingrained - it's one of our most essential beliefs - so much so that it isn't even seen as just a belief, it's seen as a fact.  But a little doubt about it and some honest exploration of that idea is enough to truly shake that idea up - we start with the slightest inkling that something is amiss.  Then, if we continue to question it, the entire idea collapses like a house of cards. 

And because that idea is one of our founding ideas, part of the very foundation of our idea of reality, the ground really is pulled out from under us.  We're cast out into an abyss - into the unknown.  This really is the source of many spiritual experience - being ripped out of the comfortable set of ideas about separated existence and into the unknown.  Yet we settle into it and realize how stupidly simple it really was, after all.  It really makes no sense that existence is divided into parts, into individual parts.  We find that all these "things" are merely expressions of what ALREADY exists, that these expressions come and go but never does EXISTENCE come and go. 

This is so supremely simple, and the contrary idea is so ingrained, that it is missed almost without exception.  We believe realization must be something else - that it must be some supernatural or mystical experience.  And for those who insist on this, the spiritual path remains a roller coaster, frustrating and confusing.  But for those who will put aside this false idea for a moment and entertain the possibility - who will truly give an honest exploration of existence and "things" - the possibility is there to have your entire world dissolve into nothing.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Ring IS Gold - ME IS Life

Did you begin?  Are you a new and independent existence?
Can existence really begin anew?  Is existence something that comes in individual servings?
These are questions that we must look into.  So often we overlook this and seek to make our experiences different or better or more spiritual.  This is missing the point, over and over and over...
Ring is Gold.  No matter what ring is doing, it is only Gold doing it.  Why?  Because ring is a name or concept for Gold itself.  We've given an expression of Gold a name- then we give that expression independence - really we give it independence of existence.  We think that ring is a NEW existence apart from Gold. 
But isn't Ring really just Gold?  Isn't Ring really Gold-in-expression?  If Ring has a bad day, didn't Gold really have a bad day?  Can Ring do anything?  Or isn't it Gold itself which has a good or bad day? 
Can Ring realize that it is Gold?  No.  Gold realizes it was never just Ring.  THAT which exists, realizes it was never something which never existed.  Ring can't realize anything.  If that ring is melted down, Gold remains.  Gold can't end - but Ring can. 
In the exact same way, YOU cannot end.  That "ME" ends but WHAT the ME really IS cannot end.  Spirituality is really diving into this idea of existence and finding out what that really means.  If we truly do this, we will always come to the same conclusion or REALIZATION - I AM. 
Ring cannot say I AM.  Only Gold can say that. 
Right now - is it Ring reading this, or is it Gold?  Isn't it Gold, taking itself to be Ring?  Isn't Realization really Gold seeing through that identity with Ring - finally remembering that Ring always is only Gold. 
If you walk outside and look up at the sky, the clouds, the trees, hear the birds singing...  is it ME that is there?  Or is it Life that is really there?  Present and aware?  Isn't it Life that exists - experiencing itself through that experience we call "ME"?

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

You are not a Wave

It's been a while since the last post.  Many posts are happening on Facebook - if you're interested.
We can never arrive at a new state of Being.  This spiritual search is often targeted towards a new experience or state.  We may expect our Being to change with some realization.  This is false.
You ARE.  THAT is a fact.  WHAT you are is what is in dispute.  You take yourself as something which came about when that body-mind was formed.  We realize that this idea was always false, although it was previously unquestionable, so much so that we relied on that idea throughout the search - and it really impeded our understanding of all these pointers.
WHAT you are is THAT which IS.  THAT which IS manifests in a trillion-trillion ways - some of those ways provide a window or way of knowing your existence.  Those experiences are confused with independent existence - therefore you think you will end when the experience ends.
I can tell you it does not end, but you must come to that conclusion on your own.  And it's really Life coming to that conclusion - the gold ring doesn't realize it is gold.  Gold realizes it wasn't really ring after all.  The identification with ring is lost, that is all realization is.
Stick with it - find pointers that resonate and ignore all that doesn't.  There is a lot of bullshit spirituality out there.  You are Life itself.  You may realize that or not - but even if not it's ok.  You are still just Life itself - knowing itself through this really amazing and cool mechanism called "ME". 
And that "ME" experience can be good, bad and ugly.  If you're riding the wave AS "ME", the ride is really bumpy.  But if you realize that this "ME" is just another wave of the Ocean that you ARE, then whatever form that wave might take is seen in the proper perspective. 
YOU Exist.  Wave is something that comes and goes - IN you, OF YOU.  It's transient pattern doesn't mean that you are transient.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

The Mandala is Only Sand

We had been discussing the Vedanta concept of Mithya.  Mithya is that which has no independent reality, that which is just appearance.  Mithya really is easy to understand.  

The wave is Mithya.  The wave forms, it rises up and goes on for a while.  It crashes to the shore and dissipates.  It has a clear beginning, a life of it's own, and a clear ending.  Wave can be discussed, pointed to, and even enjoyed (just ask a surfer).  Yet Wave is nothing but Ocean.  It is something ocean is doing, it is an expression of ocean.  Wave has no independent reality, no independent existence.  Although it began, went for a while, then ended, it really was nothing but Ocean, or water.  Wave is a form OF water.  Yet we talk of wave, wave has particular attributes by which we can identify it.  We can differentiate a wave from a grilled cheese sandwich.  Yet wave has no real independence or existence.

This is mithya.  It is the truth that these "things", although they are describable and undeniable, have no actual existence of their own.  We talk of birth and death - the wave was born and it dies.  But nothing new came into existence.  Ocean simply expressed in that particular, identifiable way for a while, then it stopped.  That's what is meant by mithya.  If you're a Buddhist, we might say - the mandala, although very intricate and beautiful, is really nothing but a pile of sand.

So birth might be said to be the new expression of something that actually DOES exist.  But we are fooled by it.  We give wave it's own existence.  We say it exists independently of ocean, as some "thing".  But was that ever true?  Do you see that, although that's really the way you think of "things" - that's the way you give reality and independence to the world, it really was never true?

No matter what we look at, the tree, the cloud, the bird, the thought - these "things" are expressions or "waves" OF something that exists.  They don't come into existence anew, as new "things", as independent, separate existences.  They are OF something - OF something that exists.

So what IS IT, that exists?  The tree is there, the cloud is there, the thought is there.  If we boil those things down, we find molecules, atoms, quarks, energy...  we always come down to something which is undefinable, something which IS, yet we can't put our finger on it.  We might call that Life or Intelligence or something like that - but it's pretty easy to recognize that whatever that "thing" is, it's ultimately just a pattern or expression of that "something", that IS-ness, that which exists, even though we can't ever define it.

Something exists - that "something" IS - and that IS-ness is appearing - right now.  There is a tree, a cloud, a  bird, a thought...  these are like the wave - coming and going.  But what IS can't come and go - only those patterns OF it.  What-IS remains while the wave comes and goes, the thought pops up and dissipates, the tree sprouts, lives for a while, then dies.  Those "things" are really just that Essence, that Which-IS- call it Life or Brahman or Intelligence.  

You know you exist.  You can't ever deny that you exist.  You are here.  You are aware.  You are present.  YOU are THAT existence, THAT IS-ness, that which IS.  Right now THAT is aware, THAT is what is knowing, what is manifesting in a million-trillion ways, aware of itself due to this mechanism we call Consciousness.  That IS-ness is aware of itself - yet it takes itself as some "thing" - the mind has this habit of applying "thingness" to these appearances and never realizes that they are not independent and separate.  So that IS-ness or Life is aware of this confusion - the identification is with the appearance - the identity is with the story of it all.

In reality, aren't you just that ultimate essence, that which IS, that which EXISTS?  When you boil down the wave, the tree, the cloud, the bird, the thought, the story of ME, can you ever really find a multitude of existences?

And isn't that existence, right now, what is really reading this?

Monday, February 11, 2013

Every Second is a Miracle

Whether this experiencing goes on or not, whether sleep transitions to waking or not - what-you-are remains untouched, existent, inseparable.  

Nothing can affect what-you-are.  No experience has ability to change anything.  Each experience is a passing pattern.  It only has relevance within the realm of the experiential - which is merely patterns of patterns of patterns.  What exists remains untouched by it.  Actually what appears, what is experienced, is nothing BUT that which-IS.

There is no need to fret over what appears, what seems to happen, the outcomes of our efforts or from spirituality.  Each moment is merely what that whole existence is doing, how it is expressing, in a million-billion ways.  No matter the sort of chain comes about, gold remains the same.

That which-IS - right now is here - it is aware.  It is intelligent.  It takes itself as separate due to the overlaid mental activity - it may discover the inherent falseness of this separation because the falseness cannot stand up to the truth.  You are that wholeness, right now.  It is all there is.  

So as we take a sip of our wine, as the distant violin or piano plays, as that overlooked cool breeze blows on our face - each moment is nothing more and nothing less than the whole itself, expressing, at play, forming and dissolving.  Life is present, right now, aware of itself due to the capacity we call Consciousness, aware of itself due to the play of patterns, the dance of expressions.  

Each second is a miracle of that play, a beautiful concert of the visual, mental, sensory patterning - any judgment of it is only mental yet that mental judgment is also part of the concerto - a parallel solo demanding attention - a voice limited only by the intellect.  Once we discover that it isn't the enemy, it isn't the problem, then it takes it's place as part of the symphony, as part of the transient opera we call "my life" - once it ends the curtain falls and nothing remains but a dark stage.  A memory of highs and lows - beauty and tragedy which only has significance within the play itself.

As Life you remain existent - the means to know that you ARE fade away yet existence itself cannot come and go.  When we realize this, each second is both meaningless and ultimately the only meaning there is.  Each moment is cherished, not held onto but accepted unconditionally, loved without bounds - because it is the present manifestation of all there is.


Sunday, January 27, 2013

You are Existence

There is the pressure of butt in chair, the slight sensation of chest going up and down, the pang of hunger, the familiar feeling of hands on keyboard.

There appears to be what we call a world - a world of things - each thing is like a wave of the ocean - having no existence of it's own - no independent existence but only an expression OF ocean, a play OF ocean, something ocean is doing.

Once that wave ceases, once it crashes on the shore and disappears, nothing has happened to wave. Wave didn't die. Wave was never born. Wave was merely a pattern of ocean - an expression of that which actually IS, that which exists. That which appeared OF it is transient - however we apply reality to the transient appearance or pattern then grieve their passing.

Self-knowledge is knowing or realizing that you are ocean and not wave - wave is the way we know of ocean - however wave has no independent existence. Only when ocean expresses can we speak of it in terms of it's expressions - yet we come to rely on those expressions as our reality - we learn to take those as reality, hence reality becomes a collection of temporary existences.

What exists is one essence - how can you be anything but THAT which IS? Notice how your entire concept of reality, your entire concept of what-you-are, is built around the idea that existence can come and go. Then see if that is even possible.

It isn't.

Monday, November 26, 2012

The Only Bondage

What sort of answer are you waiting for?  The only confirmation you will receive is your own confidence and honesty.  In Vedanta it is called "Aham Brahmasmi" - I am Brahman.  What is Brahman - that is understood - and the identity with that is there.  That is - the identity with the whole itself.

Sailor Bob says it another way - One essence, expressing as everything.  

You are that.  Right now, you are that.  Not later, once this is understood, once some flash of wisdom comes, once some bright spiritual lights happen.  Now.  You are that.  The whole.  

If we continue our search from there, we are not far off.  If we believe we have to merge with the absolute, or become something other than what we are now, if we believe our experience needs to change, then we're a million light years from the answer.

The raindrop does not need to become water.  The chain does not need to find Gold.  The problem is that the pattern of drop or chain have taken precedence, preference - the focus is on that pattern.  The idea is wrong - the idea that existence comes wrapped up in individual servings - that when a new pattern emerges, a new existence or being emerges.  When we truly look into it, that simply isn't true.

Existence or Being never begins - only a new shape arises, a new expression.  One essence expresses AS that pattern or shape or drop or chain or body or thought or tree or rock.  Life.  Intelligence.  The Absolute. Whatever you want to call it - that which is by default formless - that FROM WHICH the form comes.  

Buddhism says - formlessness IS form.  It doesn't say it BECOMES form.  It IS form.  They are identical.  That tree IS Life, in expression, in experience, at play.  That thought, whether good or bad, is that Intelligence at work, acting as it's nature is, of curiosity, of expression, of creation and destruction.  

The gold chain tries so hard to find Gold, it's essence.  In the end it will always fail, as it cannot find what it is, it cannot become what it already is.  Chain has no existence of it's own - it is Gold which is the seeker and Gold which is the finder.  Chain cannot find anything - Gold finds that chain was only ever just a concept.

You are that one essence, that Brahman, that formlessness which IS form.  You are that now, without reading the next page of that spirituality book,without watching the next video or listening to the next talk.  Yet ironically until the idea of individual existence is eradicated, you remain trapped by your own ideas.  

This is the only bondage.  Maybe that's why Buddha was laughing.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Coming Home

We can only experience through Consciousness.

Consciousness IS experience.   As long as Consciousness continues to arise, experience will continue.  Once Consciousness ceases experience will cease.

However existence is not dependent upon experience.  Existence IS THAT which IS -that which IS, right this very moment, that which IS no matter what experience may hold.  

Enjoy experience as it comes - but if Consciousness never again arises, you are what you are.  You are not dependent on the arising of any experience - this is the essence of spiritual inquiry and realization.

Come to find out what is your true nature - when you realize an experience cannot capture your essence, that your essence remains while transient patterns come and go - then the spiritual search is over.

If experience never again returns, you are not affected.  You are THAT which IS.  That which IS, is not divided, not separate, not independent, not coming and going.

That which IS, appears through experience, manifests, plays, appears, patterns as what we call the world, experience... this mechanism called Consciousness is the capacity to know that pattern.

Don't be caught by the experience -understand the essence - that which IS - you are that essence - you cannot be anything transient, anything temporary - existence cannot start and stop.

Find your true nature as THAT which IS - that which EXISTS - existence cannot start anew, as something independent, as something with a separate substance or reality.

Dive into these ideas you have about your nature-  dive into the ideas you have and see if you can find any doubt about them - don't rely on anything but your own honesty, intelligence and inquiry.

You are the whole itself - that is all there is.  Patterns come and go yet you remain -you are that which IS - if you look deeply into this you will not find another existence beyond yourself.

Spirituality is simply coming home - returning to the certainty and ease of knowing that although the world may turn in transience - what-you-are is that FROM WHICH the world appears and THAT which remains when the world no longer takes shape.

When Consciousness no longer presents a world of goods and bads, when the experiences no longer arise and dissolve, what-you-are remains as the essence of all, the existence and intelligence which inquires of itself, inquires of it's true nature.  Realizing what-you-are, there is no longer a need to look any further - the world comes and goes while you remain as the essence, the wholeness, the essence itself - the source and foundation which cannot be a transient aspect, cannot come and go.

You are that which IS- that Brahman, that God, that Supreme Absolute - you are this already, you are this right now, as you struggle to find out what you are.  This is the natural intelligence at work - whittling away the identities at work and ending up with a realization that as the patterns come and go- what-you-are cannot cease to exist.  The ending of Consciousness is simply a closing of the show, a curtain call where the patterns make their last stand and fade away. 

What IS remains as it IS - you are THAT IS-ness, that existence - that wholeness or undivided nature which has unlimited potential to be anything yet is always already this very moment.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

You are already HERE!

We can never get to the finish line in spirituality.  We are striving so hard to find the answers, all the while the truth of it is always right here, always just right this very moment itself.  So ultimately the striving is also just that - but we're seemingly wrapped up in that search.  So the suffering is there, even as a method to get out of suffering.

We've been reading and listening to all sorts of different opinions on spirituality - repeat "who am I" until you pass out - sit in a cave until your toes are frostbitten - grow a long, flowing beard and smile a lot...  these things have nothing to do with it.  

You are a prisoner of your own beliefs.  The way out of that is to face those beliefs head on - challenge them - doubt them - see if there are other possibilities.  Were you really born?  Did you come into existence?  What came into existence?  What appeared?  Did you arrive anew or did a new pattern take shape?  When you die, what dies?  The pattern dissolves, but do you dissolve?  

And it's really simple, after all.  Life IS - there is one "existence" - something IS, right here and now.  That IS-ness expresses as everything we see and know.  That intelligence takes shape in a million-billion ways, from the ugliest to that which is so beautiful it makes you cry.  If we reject the ugly in preference for the beautiful, then in essence we have missed the point.  It's like saying that this particular wave is better than that one - when they are both, in essence, ocean.  

To get to the finish line is not possible.  You are already HERE!  So either the finish line is a fantasy or you are already past it, right now.  Find out once and for all.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Death is a Pickle

In the Katha Upanishad, it says that Death is the thing which eats the entire universe, yet to one who knows what he is, death is just a pickle - it's the condiment which helps the enjoyment and zest of life.

To the one who takes the world as a collection of things, of independent existences, death is tragic.  Death is the snuffing out of existence, the dissolution of something which exists - independently.  It was here, now it's gone.  Death is that which dissolves existence - in other words, death is the ending of existence for each independent thing.

For one who knows what he is - death is a pickle.  Death is that coming and going of patterns - death is the play of Life - a character walks onto the stage, stays a while, then leaves stage left.  From the perspective of the viewer, the character ceases.  From the perspective of the director, the actor merely stopped performing.  From the perspective of the story, that character ceases to exist.  From the perspective of the actor, existence remains.

There is one essence, one IS-ness - one "existence" - that essence is expressing in an infinitude of ways - from the tadpole to the cell biology to the pull of gravity - the rock and the tree and the birdsong.  Each experience is a patterning OF something which IS - the rock or the tree or the cell is merely that IS-ness which has formed, patterned, taken it's place on the stage of experience.  It remains for a while then departs, dissolves, ceases to pattern - we cannot truly say it ceases to exist, except from the perspective of the experiencer of that pattern.  It's death is merely a ceasing to appear, a ceasing to pattern, and not a ceasing to exist.

We look upon the world in the normal way - taking each thing that appears as an absolute existence, a stand-alone existence.  It is a new existence on it's own - this is a key point which must be grasped.  This is our belief which is the most cherished.  It is almost impossible to even challenge or doubt it, however at root it is the basis of Maya - taking the world to be a collection of separate existences.

When we see death as the ending of existence, then we are afraid - we don't want to lose what we have and we dread the ending of our own existence.  Yet if we just begin to poke into these ideas about existence- if we truly look to discover the actual nature of anything that appears, anything we can know - if we question the idea that existence is something which can come and go after all - then we are on the right track.

Death is a pickle - it is the condiment which makes the meal taste better - the meal is the play - the enjoyment of this transient Consciousness - as long as Consciousness comes and goes -the world comes and goes.  Each thing appears - to take those things as absolutes of themselves is Maya.  To know they are merely appearance, merely patterns OF something which EXISTS - something which remains while it's expressions come and go, like the waves on the ocean, then we understand the meaning of this Katha Upanishad and we enjoy the meal even as death ravishes the world.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Wholeness is Now

Instead of trying to get somewhere, realize where you already are. We have gone around and around in circles trying to get somewhere that we already ARE, trying to get something we already have - no wonder spirituality is full of frustration. 

If we look at the world - not hoping it will change in realization - not trying to make a divided world whole but seeking to realize that reality is alre
ady whole - then we are on the right track. 

Then each experience, each taste of Life is inquiry - each thought is inquiry - then in each second we are not applying a condition, trying to correct the world but seeking to eliminate our ignorance of the world - that ignorance is the filter through which we see Life, through which we consider Life to be divided.

Through proper inquiry and intelligence we eliminate the ignorance of our buried and unexamined assumptions and beliefs - we dig up these things which have been beyond question and simply question them, doubt them - allow the sun to shine upon them for the first time. In this illumination we have the opportunity to see for ourselves that reality isn't to be made whole - it already IS whole.

Then we find ourselves - not waiting for some experience but already beyond separation - already whole and perfect. 

Tat Tvam Asi - it doesn't mean if I count my prayer beads properly, if I align all the pointers properly and achieve some illuminating experience then I will someday BE THAT. It means You Are THAT - right now you are that - that wholeness, that perfection. Don't wait for the proper experience - don't compare experiences and judge your own - you ARE THAT now - find you are that now instead of how you can become that later.

It seems like an insignificance but it's night and day.

Cross-posted on

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Infinite Appearance - One Essence

The availability of internet wisdom is a two-sided sword. On one hand we can entertain many different viewpoints and ways of talking about spirituality. Yet on the other hand we are inundated with so many different ways sometimes we get lost in it. We sort of try to put them all together, and somehow attain a realization which encompasses all these pointers - if one should be missing then our enlightenment is incomplete. 

This is all hogwash. Our state is due to ignorance - ignorance of what we are, ignorance of our true nature. You take yourself to be an entity, a person, someone who was born. Therefore you take existence to be arriving anew, independently, only lasting a while and then dying - dissolving - existence which comes into existence then ceases to exist. 

You take existence to be something standing on it's own, something which arrives with the formation of some pattern. But where exactly does existence begin? With the body? The body is just a mass of cells - molecules - atoms - electrons - quarks... exactly which one is it that is necessary for existence to begin? Which particle is the absolute particle? 

Can a particle ever be absolute? That is - can it ever be the source? What made up that particle, be it a molecule, an atom, an electron, a quark, and so on. If we find smaller and smaller particles, shouldn't those have even smaller building blocks, although we haven't yet discovered them? 

Therefore we always find deeper and deeper building blocks of what we can see or know - yet because the proper chemical reactions haven't taken place yet there is no form yet appearing. The so-called "existence" of that new pattern yet to come isn't really a new existence as much as a new pattern of something that is already in existence. 

And if we extrapolate that out - we find that everything we can know is like this. Everything has something indefinable as it's source, it's essence. Only we just can't know it - to know it we only know it's expression, the subsequent patterns OF IT, yes? 

Think about the nature of any pattern that you have given an independent existence to. Think about the fact that it's not really a new and independent existence but only a new and independent formation or pattern of something which DOES exist already. And when that pattern ceases to be, when it ceases to pattern in that way - THAT FROM WHICH it came doesn't cease to exist - any more than the gold ceases to exist when the ring is melted down or the clay ceases to exist when the pot is dropped and broken. 

What-you-are isn't any particular pattern but THE SOURCE itself - the identity, the true identity is with the whole or the source, not with the shapes and subsequent patterns. Being fooled by appearance, believing in existence which comes and goes, is called Maya. The entire world is nothing but this. So we don't need to change the world but realize what it truly is. That realization is that there is nothing to be done - there is nothing that needs changed. 

Then you cease taking yourself to be something which was born and will later die but that wholeness itself.

Cross-posted from