Seeking THAT which was never lost

You are not a person. A person is a concept, like "mind" is a concept. There is no such thing as "mind" - mind is only a word used to contain present experiences - thoughts, memories, imagination.

The word "person" is only a concept, a conceptual container used to categorize the body, the personality, the life story, the memories and imagination, the image of ME, the constructed facade or persona, the ego, the propped-up "self", the store-front we call ME.

There is no such thing as a person - person is a concept - it's a belief, that there is someone separate, some entity abiding in that appearance of body-mind, some soul or independent life form...

The idea of ME-the-person comes from indoctrination, from society, the core belief in a bundle of beliefs issued to us at a young age, when we believed in things like "Santa Claus" and the tooth fairy.

The concept of "person" is ingrained and concrete - yet it falls away quite simply upon investigation.

The body is there, thoughts are there - but the "person" is like a ghost, like a phantom, not there in actuality but there under pretense - it's an assertion.... an assumption left unquestioned.

The instant it is questioned, there is doubt. It cannot be taken for granted. The "person" I took myself to be isn't as obvious as I thought. The "person" I took myself to be is only a learned belief. The "person" I took myself to be cannot be found.

The body is there. Thoughts are there. So what AM I? I am THAT which is looking, THAT which is knowing, THAT which is the ever-present openness or subjectivity or "awareness" - THAT has always been there - THAT isn't a "person" after all yet the idea of "person" comes in thought.

YES?

Aren't you here, right now? Yes. Yet YOU are NOT that body nor that mind. YOU are this activity of knowing - what is actually referenced by the word "I"...

You remain unmoved while the body and thoughts do their dance and disappear each night.

You do not think yet thoughts are known because of you.

You are not involved in the activities of the world yet the world cannot BE without YOU.

Once this idea of a separate "person" falls away, known to be a false belief, a mistaken identity, a belief in a dream - then what-you-are becomes blindingly obvious.

If we talk about "things", you are this no-thing-ness, prior to yet the space in which all "things" come and go.

If we recognize the illusory nature of "things" as only appearances - if we recognize that the subject/object equation is simply a translation, not actual reality - if we realize that the appearance and the knowing of the appearance are the SAME THING...

Then - you cannot be found apart from the world. You have lost your meaning, your identity. You have lost your entire life story. The "person" never was. Therefore the "seeker" never was.

And Oneness is no longer something to be sought after. Oneness is your actual Being.

THIS is IT

THIS is inescapable. THIS cannot be captured in words or knowledge. THIS is an absolute mystery. There is literally NOTHING outside of THIS.

THIS, right here and now, is the only enlightenment there ever is.

THIS is IT. And THIS is YOU.

The instant THIS is sought after, THIS is missed.

So what is left to be done?

Nothing at all. THIS is already perfect.

The world depends on "I"

Something present right here and now never moves.

Something is not affected by the changing situations, thoughts, feelings, emotions.

Something is stable as the world is unsteady.

Something is rock-solid as the sense of a separate self is a fleeting image.

What is this? What is it that never changes as every single "thing" changes? What is it that remains as every single "thing" comes and goes?

Isn't it your own presence?

As the body changes - you ARE. As the thoughts change, come and go - you ARE. You are the rock-solid, immovable and unchanging presence. And that presence is not hidden. It is absolutely intimately known right this very moment. You know "I AM".

I AM.

I AM the body is an abstraction. I AM thoughts or I AM the mind is assumption. This is only learned, only believed yet not evident.

I AM is evident - Self-evident.

Remain in that I AM-ness - stay with it - follow the sense of "I". Does the true "I" ever change? Does the true "I" ever come and go?

Doesn't the world only appear because of that "I"? Doesn't the world depend on that "I"?

"I" never comes and goes

There is an experience right here and now - a computer screen, words, keyboard. There is an assumption that there is a "someone seeing" the screen, words and keyboard. That "someone" is apparently evident because of what?

How do you know yourself?

Maybe the hands are seen on the keyboard. Is that evidence of a "someone" there? Maybe the arms are seen, attached to the hands. Is that evidence of a "someone" there?

There is a torso seen attached to the arms. Is that evidence of a "someone" there? The toes are felt to wiggle - is that evidence of a "someone" there?

Breathing is felt. Is that evidence of a "someone" there? Heartbeat is felt. Is that evidence of a "someone" there?

Who knows all these "things"?

Thoughts are known. Is that evidence of a "separate ME"? Is the coming and going of thoughts evidence of a thinker? Thoughts are evident yet where is the thinker? Thoughts appear but does the thinker appear?

This question is the EXACT point of inquiry. Does the thinker appear?

The assumption of a thinker comes because of what? Because you know you ARE. Because you know you exist. Therefore the assumption of "being the thinker" is tied or mixed up with the obviousness of existence.

I know I am so I MUST BE the thinker. Yes?

Yet there is no direct evidence of this. Thoughts are there but there is no evidence of a thinker. In direct experience, thoughts appear. You ARE. They aren't tied in together except in assumption. Thoughts are paused - you ARE. Thoughts come - you ARE. Thoughts are absent - you ARE. Is that the evidence that you are the thinker? No - it's only pointing out that you ARE whether thoughts are present or not.

So "I am the thinker" is an assumption. There is no evidence that you are the thinker.

You ARE and you know it how? Because of thoughts? No. Because of the presence of breathing or heartbeat? No. Because of the presence of wiggling foot, torso, arms and hands? No.

You KNOW you ARE because of what? Because of the idea of a ME? No. That is also appearance - more thought.

You KNOW you ARE because of what? Why are you so certain that you exist?

Isn't it because you are HERE, no matter what the experience is? Isn't it because you are HERE always even as thoughts come and go, the body changes, the experiences change? Aren't even the hands, arms, torso, foot, breathing, heartbeat and thoughts experiences TO you?

Isn't there a pure subjectivity which doesn't change as all these experiences come up and go? Isn't THAT how you know you ARE? Isn't this pure subjectivity always there yet the source or center or "space" or capacity of knowing all these experiences, even the experiences attributed to this separate "someone"?

Doesn't the idea of "ME-seeing" appear in this already-present and unchanging subjectivity?

Isn't this pure formless but ever-present subjectivity what is really meant by "I"?

Hasn't "I" been tied or mixed up with objects? Aren't thoughts objects? Isn't heartbeat or breathing objective TO "I"?

Can you find "I"? Can you describe "I"? No. Yet "I" is undeniably there through every single experience that comes and goes, every single thought that passes, every breath that comes, every heartbeat - "I" is the immediacy and presence TO WHICH these objective experiences come.

Yet "I" is not another experience. "I" is the space of experiencing. "I" is the source of registering, "I" is the cognizing itself, "I" is the pure and ever-present knowing which has no objective nature.

"I" is the Self. And "I" is always known BECAUSE experiences come and go. "I" MUST be present for experiences to come and go. Therefore "I" or Self is ALWAYS known in all experiences. "I" or Self is the very necessity or condition or principle for any experience to come, even thoughts, the body, the idea of "ME as a separate person".

"I" is the "space" IN WHICH the experiences come - the unchanging condition or container for every experience. "I" is the undeniable principle WITHIN WHICH the "ME-thought" comes and goes. "I" is the knowing in which the ideas of "knower and known" come and go. "I" is the obvious capacity for thoughts of "other I's" to come. Other "I's" is more objective content.

"I" is the Self. YourSelf. And there is no other "I". "I" is THAT which never comes or goes.

How are you seeing?

How are you reading these words?

You say - because of the eyes... But are the eyes seeing? Aren't the eyes receiving the light and then passing them to the brain?

The brain is in darkness - it gets no light at all. It receives this data in the dark. It takes the data passed by the eyes, ears, nose, tongue and skin - it receives it all and then bundles it all together.

Where is this "picture" of the computer screen appearing? The brain is in possession of the data. The eyes aren't creating this picture - the brain creates the picture.

Where is the picture appearing? Is it appearing to the eyes? The eyes receive the light and pass to the brain? Does the brain send it back out the eyes again to be seen? Wouldn't there then be two screens?

Where is the picture of the screen appearing? Where are the words appearing? The eyes have done their job - they have received the light, the reflection, and they have broken it down to pure data - electrical signals. These signals have been relayed over nerves to the brain, which sits in darkness. The brain has received the data sent by the eyes. Now what has it done with it?

How are you seeing?

The brain creates this picture of "computer screen". Where does it do this? Is there a projector screen inside the head, with the brain shining the image? Is there another set of eyes inside the head, seeing this projected image?

The sounds, the sensations, the tastes and smells are all happening the same way - the brain receives all this raw data. Where is this picture of the world happening?

How are you seeing? Where is this picture appearing?

When we dream at night, we close our eyes, lie on the pillow. We don't receive any sensory input, yet a world appears. A world complete with computer screens, with this body and thoughts, with the complete arsenal of beliefs. This world appears in the very same way. Are the eyes and senses open during sleep, passing through all this information?

This picture is appearing once again, only the eyes are shut. The picture is not diminished. Where is this picture appearing?

The eyes are not windows - they are not openings through which the world is seen. The eyes are not little viewing portals - with you somewhere behind looking out.

How are you seeing?

Seeing is happening - that much is obvious. But the mechanism of the senses is very much in doubt. Where is this picture of the world appearing?

Notice that the hands, the body, and thoughts appear in this picture of the world. Notice that everyone you see appears in this picture. Notice that these words are appearing in that picture.

Where is the picture appearing?

Isn't the mind also in the head? So maybe this picture is happening in mind?

Maybe the world is only in your mind... Maybe this picture IS Mind...

Obvious but overlooked

Searching for Enlightenment is like looking for your own eyes.

Look around for them. Can you see them? No. Where did they go? They must be gone. So look on the table. Look on the floor, maybe they fell out. Look in your pocket, maybe you put them there for later.

What the Hell happened to them? What happened to my eyes? What do I need to do to find them? Maybe I'll just focus real hard and they will appear. Maybe if I squint and use a lot of effort I'll see them. Maybe if I put on colored glasses I can find them. Maybe I'll just wait for them to appear. Maybe I'll ask about the nature of eyes - the truth of seeing - the reality of looking. Maybe I need a different experience for them to show up.

Maybe I'll ask a guru who has found his own eyes - who has spiritual eyes - who understands the cosmic mystery of eyes.

Maybe they don't exist? Maybe they only exist in a different "plane of existence"? Maybe they require robes and beards? Maybe I need to read a lot of books to find them?

I am looking everywhere for my eyes! I just can't find them. I've looked at everything I know, looked everywhere.

But wait a minute - how can I even look for them if they aren't already there? How can I even know the activity of searching for them, if they aren't already there?

It was always the assumption that they were missing in the first place, which caused the search for them.

I cannot find them but they are obviously there. Seeing is happening. It's not necessary to find them because they were never missing, even though I got all wrapped up in the assumption and search for them.

I assumed that they were not there, then tried everything I knew to find them, when all the while they were the condition necessary for the search to happen.

Can your true Self be absent? Isn't it the very condition necessary for the search to happen? Isn't the search always a denial of your Self in seeking your Self?

Therefore THAT which you are is never absent and always fully known - it's only overlooked in seeking for it.

If we ask "what IS 'I'?" - what IS it? Is it this false image, this construction of thought, this temporary body-mind? Is "I" this changing mess of vague feelings, this fleeting set of concepts about what you are?

No. "I" isn't any of these "things". In fact "I" isn't a thing at all. Right now, in present experience, all these "things" appear but WHAT-YOU-ARE is the space or opening or condition or presence or Self, IN WHICH or BY WHICH or ON WHICH they appear.

Right now, in present experience, the Self is known as the subjective quality that isn't a "subject" - because a "subject" is a thing as opposed to "objects". That subjective quality isn't a "thing" - it's a "NO-THING" - it's a void, an absence of "thingness" which allows all "things" to appear.

Your true Self isn't waiting to come due to spiritual experiences or proper understanding of "advaita". Your true Self isn't yet to be realized. Your true Self, like the eyes, is already the case, already fully known and obvious, only overlooked because there is an assumption that "what-you-are" is that body-mind wandering in a big and apathetic world.

This "NO-THING" is SO OBVIOUS simply because it's SO always a part of every experience. It's ALWAYS there - like a light that's left on therefore not really noticed. Like a loud sound that has been gotten so used to that it's no longer even noticed - until the sound stops. Then that absence is deafening.

This presence of subjective knowing, this principle or condition or "stateless state" isn't difficult to find, isn't in need of finding. Every single experience happens within it. It's already fully present and obvious.

It's not spiritual or mystical - these concepts drive the search down useless paths, yet if there is a combination of earnest openness, a willingness to lay aside all concepts and just look, and a clear pointing out of what all this Advaita business is all about - then what you are is known very clearly and obviously as everything that could possibly arise and the absence of everything. THAT which beyond both coming and going.

If you can't quite put your finger on it, then ask "IN WHAT is this present experience happening?" There is the answer.

Nothing is lacking

If thought is paused, do you disappear? No, that self-shining nature of present knowing remains, untouched, unaffected.

What-you-are is being sought AFTER. Yet what-you-are is not missing. It is the search itself which says it is. The search is dependent on what-you-are being absent. But how could it be?

You ARE and you know you ARE. WHAT you are is mistakenly taken to be the body-mind. But if the thought is paused, you do not disappear. If the body goes away (deep sleep) - you still ARE. When Consciousness reappears, memory must come rushing in to fill the void of I-AM-ness, before you can once again identify.

Before Consciousness appeared, you ARE.

So let's take a close look at the search itself. I am a body-mind-person - I am suffering and I want to be free of suffering - I want enlightenment.

This assumption automatically creates the gap of craving - because of the identification WITH the body-mind, there is apparent suffering, a constant self-reference. Yet FROM that platform, which is already false, the gap is seen to be "this body-mind wants to be free of suffering".

It is the assumption itself that "I am the body-mind-person", which CREATES the apparent gap. But that root assumption is false.

There is no body-mind-person which can suffer or be free of suffering.

Therefore, spiritual seeking is self-perpetuating, in the most literal sense. If we say - "I want to be free from suffering" or "I want enlightenment" - we are automatically binding the assumption of individual self AS reality, and FROM THERE the seeking goes on.

It is the assumption that something is lacking, which propels the search to find something. And that "something" is really vague - we cannot know what it is, until we apparently "find it". That, my friends, is complete bullshit.

Nothing is lacking. You ARE. You are not the body-mind mechanism which suffers, seeks and then "later" finds enlightenment. That's a bullshit story. That keeps the mind spinning forever. That story CREATES suffering, because it's a story of lack, a story of needing to find something which is presently missing, a story of looking for a state or experience, which are always impermanent, and trying to forcibly make them permanent.

The search requires that an assumption be made, an assumption that what-you-are NEEDS to be found. That what-you-are isn't already here. And that is read over and over and over and ignored. There is nothing to seek - no search will ever FIND it. The search itself is the veil - and the false ME is part and parcel of that veil.

WHAT you are cannot be described. THAT you are is undeniable. Stay with that undeniable sense of being - it cannot be captured in a word or a concept yet it cannot ever be denied. It is present when thoughts pause, when the body comes and goes, when the world is happy or sad.

You ARE - a lifetime of experience has come and gone. Instead of looking for MORE experience in which to "find yourself", realize right here and now that what-you-are has ALWAYS been present and undeniable, inescapable - the very basis for every experience, no matter what it is.

Knowing IS Being

Right here and now, nothing is needed. Nothing can be added, nothing can be lost. You ARE. You KNOW you are. YOU are self-evident. Yet WHAT you are is confused, taken to be the body, taken to be the "thinking process".

You KNOW you are because of what? Your existence cannot be denied. Why? Why is it that YOU cannot be denied? What is it about right HERE and NOW that makes YOU self-evident?

Is it the body? Does the appearance of body make you self-evident? Are you certain of your existence because of the presence of a body? No. That body is in constant change. It disappears and reappears. It's function is according to the genetics, the environment... Life is functioning that body.

What about the thinking process? This is a bit more difficult because identification with the mind is the strongest identification. Yet the solution is extremely simple. You are AWARE OF thoughts. You know thoughts. They come and go - and your existence cannot be dependent on something that is SO changeful. Your existence doesn't disappear when thoughts are paused. So thoughts are spontaneously appearing and disappearing. Yet the content of thought is strongly identified with, so much so that it is said "I AM THINKING".

Are you? Are you thinking, or simply aware of thoughts? Your true existence does not depend on thoughts. Thoughts depend on your aware presence to be known. Yes?

So what ARE you? You are CERTAIN of your existence, yet what-you-are cannot be found, via the normal way of looking, looking for a "thing", looking for another concept. The body and thoughts are dependent - only there because you are there first, to know the coming and going of thoughts and body. Yet YOU are not dependent - you are SELF-EVIDENT. Evident without proof, evident without dependence on something else. Even when the "waking state" was gone, you KNOW you existed.

So what-you-are must be something else, something evident yet not appearing. Something evident yet not dependent. Something present here and now, yet not findable as some "thing".

What-you-are MUST be obvious, already, not in need of finding, not in need of a spiritual search. What-you-are MUST be fully known already, only overlooked BECAUSE it's SO obvious, SO simple.

When we look for our true Self, we are forever looking for some "thing", in the form of objects, feelings, sensations, perceptions, ideas, concepts, more beliefs... Yet when we recognize that we MUST be looking FROM our true Self already, that what-you-are MUST be THAT which is looking, then the confusion vanishes, as does the search.

Can you SEE the SEEING? No. You can only BE the seeing. Being/Knowing.

Do you know...

Do you know the world? Yes. You see it.

Do you know the computer screen? Yes. You see it.

Do you know the body? Yes. You see it and feel it.

Do you know the arms and legs? Yes. You see and feel them.

Do you know thoughts? Yes. You "feel" them.

Do you know emotions? Yes. You can describe them.

Do you know hunger and thirst? Yes. You know when they are present and when they are absent.



>Do you know yourself?



Are you presently aware? Yes. How do you know? Because you know all the above.

Do you exist? Yes. How do you know? Because of this presence of knowing.



>Do you know yourself?



Can any of these "things" be known without this knowledge or certainty of your own Self?

You DO know yourself. Only it's not what you thought it was. And it didn't require searching, for it was ever-present, as THAT which was doing the looking, as the immediacy of knowing, as the ever-present Presence of Awareness.

Right here and now, you ARE. Awareness of Being - in which it all comes and goes.

Simple.

THIS Remains, as it is

"My self" is a concept. It carries with it a requirement of many layers of assumption, interpretation. As a "myself", I am separate FROM the world, living IN the world yet divided from it. I am my own little boat, floating on a sea of desire and fear, looking at the world from within it. The world is vast and cold - apathetic to my existence.

This is the dreadful prison built in the mind. It is the source of all suffering. This prison is made up of thoughts, constructed out of belief, relying on a shaky interpretation of reality.

Vedanta is Self-knowledge, taking a hard and honest look at what we've taken ourselves to be - looking at the beliefs and assumptions that were issued to us during our orientation to this world. But it takes honesty and courage to really come face to face with our assumptions. They aren't easily given up. There is a lot of attachment to these assumptions, to these particular translations. Our entire sense of self is dependent on them.

So if we're led down a path of achievement, the assumptions are left intact - it is the ME that is doing these things, that will benefit from these paths. It is the ME that stands to gain spiritually, and the reward will be peace and love and bliss. This approach does nothing to free us from our assumptions but entrenches them, solidifies them, builds a new self-image around spirituality. It's a fresh look but it's still ignorance.

Enlightenment isn't about finding some new state, some amazing and cool experience, some flooding of the light of bliss. It's not about becoming at all. It's about recognizing that Reality, THIS, is One. Wholeness. Nonduality. One, without a second. THIS, is all there is.

But how can we come to this realization? Because I can obviously see a world. But that's just an interpretation. So Self-knowledge is finding these false interpretations. Seeing the assumptions, seeing the interpretation, and realizing that it has always been false.

This cannot be pointed to directly, because words are all we have. And these words, by their nature, are dualistic. All concepts contain the seed of their opposite. So if I say all is One, it contains the seed of "another". So it's called one-without-a-second to indicate that One means One, nothing outside of it. Therefore One becomes meaningless in pointing to THIS.

We might say that the mirage appears to contain water. So as long as it isn't investigated, Reality is water in the road. The appearance IS Reality due to beliefs, assumptions, the lack of investigation. Yet once we walk up to the reflection and see no water, it dawns that it was purely illusion - the mind CREATED the water. The appearance took on a false Reality.

This effect is also apparent in the sense of being a person. Because it is believed, it is apparent, just like the water in a mirage. Because it is assumed to BE, then all sorts of things can be built around it. Yet when it is questioned, the core assumption gets shaken. Lots of other loosely fastened concepts built around it start falling off, like a skyscraper in an earthquake. Windows start shattering. The sense of separate self is unstable.

And it can only become unstable because it's only a belief. We aren't certain of this existence of the separate "person". If we were, we wouldn't resonate with the spiritual search, we wouldn't be drawn inescapably to reading and trying to figure it out.

We ARE certain of our existence - that's why it seems so difficult to see through the belief in the "person." That certainty of existence is intertwined with the concept of being a separate person, trapped in the shell of a temporary body-mind. It's a paradox the mind must overlook, if it is to go about it's business. This core paradox is ignored - that's why it's called ignorance.

You are absolutely certain of your existence - you know you ARE. And you know you ARE because of what? It is because of that certainty of experiencing. You are experiencing. That's obvious. That's the quality or principle because of which you know that you ARE. That's it. That's the key. That's the "I AM".

You know "I AM". That's unquestionable. Yet that "I AM"-ness is mixed up with the objects, with the experiences of body and thoughts. The concept then becomes, I am the body-mind, I am this "person". Yet we cannot find this person if we look to the body-mind. We cannot find this certainty there. Yet the certainty remains. It's unchanging while the body and thoughts change.

The certainty doesn't need to be found. It's self-evident. ALL experiences CONTAIN this self-evidence. Therefore all experiences cannot be separated FROM this self-evidence except by this CONCEPT of "what-I-AM".

So we remain with this "I AM"-ness. We stick with it, come Hell or high water. We relax into it - we let it BE. We don't try to figure it out. We negate anything that appears as passing content against this "I AM"-ness. Because what-we-are is already obvious, only it's some "thing", some separate thing, due to this conceptualization or placing the certainty of existence with objects.

Oneness or Wholeness or Advaita isn't something that comes in the future, due to proper seeking, due to fitting all the pieces in the right order. Advaita is THIS HERE NOW. Whatever THIS might be translated into, is completely irrelevant. Whatever special spiritual state we might think will come, is irrelevant. We cannot escape this present moment. We can never get out of THIS. There is nowhere to go. The mind cannot divide the indivisible. The mind appears as another appearance OF the indivisible, therefore nothing needs to be done with the mind. The translations are simply seen as translations and nothing more. There is a correction of interpretation, a shedding of assumptions.

And THIS remains as it is.