Saturday, August 29, 2009

Can you find yourself?

Can you find yourself? Can you locate yourself?

You can find the body and thoughts. But how are these known? What you are must be prior to, knowing the body and thoughts.

Can you find the knowing, or can you only BE the knowing?

Finding yourself is simply recognizing that knowing is happening, always, and in that knowing, the objective content comes and goes.

The spiritual search is about finding out "what am I?" But it's taken off on a wild-goose chase towards something objective. It's seen as the search for a special state, a great experience, a permanent change in the appearance. Yet that's missing the point.

To find the answer to "what am I", we are looking for some "thing", some indication which we will be aware OF, that will finally show what we are. Yet what you are is THAT FROM WHICH the looking is happening.

Without any "spiritual change", seeing is happening. And that SEEING is the very basis for any experience to be known, even the experiences we call "body-mind".

So we must take a look at the identification, because that is where the mind ties up this seeing with these "objects".

We say "I am thinking" when in fact thinking is an appearance IN the seeing. You are aware of thoughts.

We say "I am in pain" when in fact pain and the body are appearances IN the seeing. You are aware of the pain and the body.

We say "I am sleepy" when in fact the sensation of drowsiness appears IN the seeing. You are aware of that and all other sensations.

See how this "I AM-ness" is tied or mixed up or confused with the "happenings". What you are is stable, still, rock-solid, pure and formless SEEING. Even if motion happens, even if sound happens, even if activity happens, it's all appearing TO or IN the SEEING.

We say "I am talking". Talking is happening to or by no one. The sense of a separate "I" who is DOING IT is a conceptual idea, an assumption, a learned belief, a taking for granted of something which has no actual direct evidence.

Notice how all these "things", all these activities are identified with through this mechanism of mind, through placing this "I AM-ness" or certainty of existence or present seeing or presence awareness or intelligence - placing this as the foundation of some separate entity who exists apart from the appearance, who exists separately from the world which is being SEEN.

The "seer" and the "seen" are both concepts.

Mental analysis is always futile, except for the process of running out of analytical gas, running down each path until it comes to a dead end, using up the mind until it's lying there, bleeding from abuse, unable to take another step in continuing to conceptualize about spirituality or nonduality or advaita or whatever the next spiritual "fix" is.

Once it is seen that the mind creates this idea of "me-the-separate-person", once it is seen that this mechanism is the very creation of duality, the idea of "ME-SEEING", once it is seen how thoughts/concepts create the idea that this "I AM-ness" IS the body-mind, then it immediately falls away. It's like the mirage, which appears to be water, yet when honestly looked at, is seen to be a reflection.

So the mirage continues to appear as water. Yet the "one" who is DOING any of it falls away. It doesn't fall away in a sweep of spiritual magic. It falls away like any other belief which is investigated and found to be false.

Thinking is happening but there is no thinker.
Sleepy is happening but no one is sleepy.
Hungry is happening but no one is hungry.
Driving is happening but there is no driver.
Enlightenment may happen but there is no one to be enlightened.

You can not, and truly never COULD find yourself in any of these.


Anonymous said...

You have Realized He, but that is not Real-God Realization. All 'realizations' are presumed to be The Truth. You are The Great Self - which is Great! But it is not Truth. There is a subtle difference between You and objects. That position involves a subtle gesture of withdrawl, of refusal (as all positions do). You are He and You Refuse She. Mystics worship the Great She. They are of course assuming separteness - so too with You. The Great He contains all mysticism. But Truth is both transcendental and spiritual! Only then is there no refusal. It is not temporary, it is not an experience.
Reality Is Conscious Light!
It IS only when HE and SHE IS ME have Your Realized The Truth.

Randall Friend said...


Thanks for the comment, my friend.

To point out the lack of separation by suggesting that there are others who have not realized "HE or SHE" is a complete contradiction. Who is it that isn't not realized? Who is the he or she? The idea of separation is the very foundation of that idea.

There is no realization or liberation because there is no bondage, ultimately. It is only from the relative or individual view that liberation is sought after and realization is something to gain.

If there is no separation then both bondage and liberation are false. And then Truth itself becomes another meaningless word.

Liberation is not found anew. It is realized to already be the case, and the "one who realizes" is found to be only like a passing cloud. It is bondage that is the false assumption.

That Conscious Light is also appearance - it rises and sets against the pure intelligence or totality that you are, in essence. That essence is not a HE or SHE, that essence is not realized or ignorant. That essence is the very IS-ness of THIS, right here and now, which can never be described by any wild conceptual nonsense such as The Great Self or God-Realization.

You already ARE the Self or God or whatever label you like. Trying to FIND THAT or conceptualizing that it is something TO BE FOUND or realized is more of the very same veil.

Yet that witnessing presence or SEEING may be pointed out, since the body-mind is such a strong identification. Once it's clear that what-you-are is NOT JUST the body-mind, then that openness is discovered, that Oneness is known to be your own true nature, the natural "state".


Vladimir said...

Hello Randall

so, we live in the belief "I am the body-mind". And then we are told: stop and look, you are not what you take yourself to be. So we start inquiring. We examine this "I am thinking" concept, we consider that thoughts are there and there is awareness OF the thoughts.

But the belief "I am the body-mind" seems to be a strong habit and we again get lost in "I am the voice in the head"... as a result of inattention? By habit? It seems there is some factor, the willingness or readiness or urge to stop and inquire. I feel as if 'my life' (let my use this expression for the sake of communication) was oscillating between two states: absolute belief "I am the voice in the head" and fierce desire to find out whether this is true or not. There and back, there and back...

So, this desire or willingness to inquire seems to come at random. How could it be? What brings it about? Or is it just mind trying to introduce another smart concept? I don't know, I feel lost. Anyway, many many thanks for posting this blog. I see 'my life' is changing irreversibly and a lot of crap falls off.


No One In Particular said...

Nothing wrong with crap. You tell 'em Randall.

Anonymous said...

I do not speak of a body experiencing Bliss. A body Realizing Truth. That is a presumption on your part. Real God is always already the case. Reality is always already the case. Love-Bliss is always already the case. I am always already the case. you do not know me - yet!
Conscious not does not and will not ever pass. All appearences do and will pass. Modification passes. Truth does not. Conscious Light does not. Reality is not the mere witness. perhaps read this - even if only for amusement.
Is it possible that The Self is not IT? Investigate IT further.

Randall Friend said...


The identification with thoughts or intellect is learned, mostly. Look in your own experience - isn't that chatter of thoughts a learned identification? How else do you know that "you are the thinker"? Is it an obvious fact? Can you say what your next thought will be? Can you control thoughts? If so, why aren't they always nice and pleasant? Why are the so critical, guilty, or some other negativity?

Yes - the spiritual search comes uninvited - there is a search to find wholeness because of the belief that you are a separate person, alone in the world, surrounded by an apathetic world.

From that belief, spirituality comes and if faced with clear pointing, there is an opportunity to doubt, to question these learned beliefs, these false identifications. If faced with pointing to what you really are, the mind is left with no hold, nothing to grasp, the entire life and identification as a person is called into question.

The only thing that can be done is to seriously consider anything that resonates - lay aside these default assumptions for a time and just look at what is being pointed out.

The issue is often all the false spiritual concepts floating about - it leads the inquiry down conceptual paths which only further ground the false individual identification.

The true Self isn't an attainment, it isn't something to be gained. It's something that is overlooked because of the constant focus on that which is actually objective but is taken to be subjective - body-mind.

That knowing presence isn't the body-mind at all. That knowing presence is always here, always the awareness which is the basis or ground or principle necessary for any objective content.

When you pause thoughts - something remains, something is knowing. Thoughts return but it is then obvious that what-you-are is THAT which is knowing thoughts. That isn't appearing in the same way as thoughts or any other objective content, yet that is always there. And you know it's always there because experiencing is happening, knowing thoughts, knowing the body, knowing the world.

That experiencing is what you are. And that is always here.


Randall Friend said...


Yes - what is being pointed out, the so-called "goal" of the spiritual search, is always already the case. And that is not for an individual to find. It is the individual which falls away as a false filter. Yet nothing changes.

You say it's always already the case, yet you say "you do not know me - yet!" You are speaking of an attainment. This is the contradiction.

In fact you already know your true nature. It is impossible to NOT know it. Only it's confused or mixed up with "things", appearances, objective content. This is the entirety of the individual, which is nothing but an assumption and a misplacement of that pure Self with "things".

The witness is still in duality - still a subject to an object - from this relative perspective what you are is no-thing, not a thing, the pure invisible witness to the appearance of the body, mind and world.

From the absolute perspective, you are ALL things, you are the totality itself, Life appearing to itself.

This is, as you say, already the case, even while the false identification is perceived reality, even while the individual is the present template, even while "ME-SEEING" is the format of reality.


Anonymous said...

(He and She is Me)
You are mistaken my friend. That is a presumption on your part. I am not talking about an 'outcome' for a separate one. I am not talking about an act of union with something object to Me. The reason for that assumption is your method of observation - tracing the sense of I is already founded in error. It is itself a search for Truth. then as a result of that search self-locus is vanished. You are then the Great He, and you presume that is Truth. It is not.
Just as a scientist may reduce any object (energy/light) to its root - going to atoms and sub atmic particles and so on. That is what you can do in the observation of objects. The opposite is to trace the I as consciousness and as The Great He. Neither of those forms of reduction is Truth. They both exclude the other from the beginning. The are founded in the orginal sense of dillema and a strategy is then enacted. Such is not the means to Realize Truth. the means to Realize Truth is the prior obviation of any dillema, any search and strategy. When there is such obviation in God and then SELF-UNDERSTANDING the Truth is Realized to be consciousness and energy. Conscious light! Not merely the witness - but radiant as Love-Bliss - always already! That is Reality. You do not know ME yet - not because you havnt searched hard enough and found - but because you initial method was founded in ignorance.
Read Maharshis later writings for an intuition of THIS.
This is the last letter I will write.
Love to You!

Randall Friend said...


Hello again my friend.

Such obviation would also preclude "one who has not searched hard enough and found..."

There is nothing outside of THIS, and no one, as individuals, who can search and find. Your comment, while pointing to separation as false, hinges upon separation to proclaim those who "have it" and those who "do not".

That is, and will ever be, false. Yet this continuing mind-set is the typical spiritual search - that there is something to gain, something for the individual, who will, at a "later" point in time, through efforts, "find" understanding or liberation or enlightenment.

It is the belief in the individual itself which is the veil obscuring this simple and obvious reality.

It is possible that the words being used are different to point to the same thing. That may be the case, as much of what you write is clear.

love to you