How can I find the Self? (He owes me money.)
What color is Enlightenment? I hear it's a light shade of periwinkle.
Does Enlightenment improve your sex life? Will Enlightenment help with male pattern balding? Do Guru's drive Ferrari's? Come on - my current pick up lines aren't working!
Have you eaten your rice porridge yet? Have you washed your bowl, you freakin' slob?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around?
What's the deal with the Zen kid riding the damn Ox all the time? Doesn't he have homework to do or something?
Does being infinite make you look fat?
Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, pay your damn utility bill.
"While doing an advanced yoga posture, I experience a deep darkness that seems to go on forever. Is this enlightenment?" - You're doing it wrong, that's your colon.