Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I have lost everything...

I once had a nice house and car and stylish clothes - I have lost that now.

I once had a good education and a promising career - I have lost that now.

I once had a happy family, wife and kids - I have lost that now.

I was once a nice person, a hard worker, a little bit anxious, happy but discontent, searching for peace - I have lost that now.

I was once a body - healthy with a few flaws - I have lost that now.

I was once a mind - bright and intelligent, curious and stubborn - I have lost that now.

I was once my thoughts - inquisitive, demanding, persistent - I have lost that now.

I was once a human - part of the crowd, in control of some things but also subject to things out of my control - I have lost that now.

I have lost everything... I have no life, no possessions, no family, no health or wealth, no goals, no ambitions, no future, no hope, and no meaning.

I see the house and cars, career, family and finances - but they are not what I am.

I see the body-mind, playing the part of a human, a "person", but that is not what I am.

I am the KNOWER of all this, but these things are not what I am.

I can no longer hold on to anything or lose anything. I can no longer act or fail to act. I can no longer become anything - I cannot even be my self.

So I never actually lost anything, because I never really had anything, never owned anything, never controlled anything, never did anything. In reality I never WAS anything. This dream of being a person who did and had all this was always false, always a dream. Nothing has changed.

So as this "person" goes about life, striving to maintain it's possessions, striving to achieve even more, find happiness and control the world, all I can do is watch.

And even the KNOWER, the Watcher, is just a concept. So WHO REMAINS to lose that?

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