Q: I've truly enjoyed the online meetings the past few weeks in Second Life. It's a great alternative to flying halfway across the world and paying steep hotel fees. I appreciate the innovative approach of the Truth expressing itself in this manner.
Last week during the meeting, it felt as if I was standing on the edge of a cliff staring into an abyss. Though this description falls short, this "feeling" has been arising regularly the past few days. I don't know what it is that I am missing. Of course the answer is there is Nothing that I am missing.
Perhaps I am clinging to the idea of oneness. A few weeks ago we were speaking of the pointer of the mirror; this was rather helpful. In the reflection of the mirror appears the universe, with no independence whatsoever. It is the reflection (or reflecting, more accurately) that is Awareness. The universe cannot be without Awareness. I think as you've said or written, it is like two sides of a coin, arising simultaneously - yet they are one. If I have the correct understanding, the idea of Oneness and a mirror, must be discarded then, because it is a concept. Discarding this leaves pure registering/perceiving.
The pure registering is completely untainted by the mind. The mind which acts as a lens is now crystal clear and the light that shines through is now also pure. So in these "moments" of clarity where there is only the chirping of the bird, or the ringing of the bell- in "time" these "moments" become longer until it is permanent; this unfolding should happen naturally by itself. My gut tells me this is false because it speaks of a future time - I'm not really sure.
If I see through the world for the mirage it really is, then what else needs to be done? I feel like I'm watching a movie unfold naturally, it is all light on a screen. Thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky. I'm living a very calm, peaceful and tranquil life, but in the background there is a terrible hunger that is screaming for freedom.
On a completely different note, I was wondering if you could comment on an experience I had a few years ago. As a I mentioned to you last week, I started my first steps on this pathless path from a comment in a lucid dream. I spent hours Googling all sorts of ideas trying to get to the bottom of things. A few days later I considered myself to be a Buddhist and taught myself basic meditation. One of the first times I sat down to meditate, I asked the question: "What is in the heart of all beings?" and something unspeakable happened. It felt like I was sinking or falling forever into nowhere....yet I wasn't afraid. There was an infinite amount of energy rushing from the core of my being to the area between my brows. It was so incredibly overwhelming I couldn't speak even if I wanted to. Bliss is a word that couldn't even describe the sensations that were arising. I wrote this off as some sort of samadhi. Because the experience came and went it is not reality - this is certain. I was just curious to what this might be?
A: Good to hear from you, my friend.
The mind is still looking for an answer, an experience to validate some accomplishment. This is the very nature of mind.
You are not the mind.
Any answer found, any experience occurring, occurs in this Consciousness. Any form that arises (thought, experience) is made of the same emptiness. It's ALREADY false - already a "formed" emptiness. Literally ANY arising is ALREADY false and only happening IN consciousness, is not separate of or different from consciousness.
Consciousness is primary - all happens IN this Consciousness. Then the I AM appears, the sense of beingness, existence. Out of this I AM comes I AM Jason, I AM a seeker, I AM looking for an answer, I AM suffering.
So today a spiritual experience happens (I AM having a spiritual experience) - that's happening in this consciousness only and is "formed" from emptiness. It only exists as a veil of "form".
Then a thought arises (a thought of clarity or a thought of confusion or a thought of happiness or a thought of suffering) - it's happening in this consciousness only and is also "formed" from this very same emptiness.
ANY thing perceivable or conceivable is NOT it. Because that very "thing" is made up of "consciousness" and is a "form" of emptiness. If ANYTHING happens, that's not it.
So even the sense of existence or beingness is something KNOWN in consciousness. The witnessing consciousness watches it all, even the sense of I AM.
So we start identifying with consciousness only - but isn't that TOO a concept? Isn't that also arising in THIS? So that's not it. This is the essence of neti-neti. Not this, not this.
So I'm not the thoughts, not the body (all formed emptiness). All these happen in Consciousness only, ARE Consciousness only. But even Consciousness is formed emptiness.
Form IS emptiness and emptiness IS form. If they are the same thing, then do either one really exist? Can a "form" in the form of thought or a "person" stand apart from emptiness and point to it? They would be pointing backwards. The "eye" trying to see the "eye".
So what's left? What words can we use? What thoughts are true? What actions produce valid results? What logic can we use to find an answer? What experience validates?
Where is there a Jason to find or get anything?
You, my friend, do not exist and never have.
All this world, all the thoughts about finding an answer - all a play of form and made of nothingness. So it may go on or may stop - there is no YOU there doing any of it.
Once the illusion is seen through, the mirage still appears to contain water. But there is no longer a continual going back and trying to quench our thirst. It's seen through. The one who could possibly suffer, the one who was searching, the one who was born and will die - is found to be nothing more than an illusion, a function of consciousness, itself part of the illusion.
The "absolute" or parabrahman or God or whatever - the underlying source or emptiness - that's what you are, what I am, what it all is. And that is ALREADY what you are, prior to the seeking, prior to the identification with the "form" of "Jason", prior to the sense of "I AM", prior to the Consciousness in which it appears to happen.
Prior, even, to Advaita or Enlightenment.